Mumness

Homecoming came and went.
I had a mum this year.
I didn't last year.
I didn't go to the dance.
I did last year.
High school memories that I should be making, I am not.
I don't enjoy them now.
I will miss this later.
Why not now?
I want to be 10 again.
Life seemed almost perfect then.
Everything that is now trivial was as important as life itself.
Life is difficult now.
It will get worse.
I will have to grow up.
I don't want to.
I want to be frozen at 10.
In that place where you want to be older, yet still enjoying being young and carefree.
I am still young.
I want to be younger.
I have little wisdom.
So why are these things so important?
Are they?
Why can such small things hurt us in large ways?
Why are such little things important to us?
They cause such grief.
Why can't people always see that there are more important things?
I have lost my mother.
These people have just had some mean words said to their name.
When do people learn what things are important?
Will they ever?
Am I being hypocritical?
Do I even know what's truly important?
God is important.
Parents are important.
Moments are important.
Moments make life.
It's how we view those moments that make them important.
God's influence and our parent's influence fuels our views on these moments.
When will I stop watching it happen?
When will I jump and just live it?
Jump.
I will have my moments.
I will make memories.
I will jump in and live.
I am going to stop letting the past ruin me and stop me from living.
I will remember it.
How can I forget?
I will jump.